There’s this asshole who every time he sees me with my ukulele he thinks he’s funny and asks “Can you play any Metallica?” but the joke is now on him because I just learned how to play the intro riff to Master of Puppets.
I did it. I fucking did it. He asked me again just like I knew he would and I stared him straight in the eyes without blinking and just fucking shredded on my ukulele
What, exactly, are all the skeletons fighting about?
Did somebody assassinate Archduke Femurdinand?
When I read this I put my phone down, walked out of the room, then sat at my kitchen table reevaluating the life choices I’ve made that led me to this moment.